LOA from China

The day we have waited for...well among many.  We finally got our LOA on July 26, 2010.  (We were informed on July 28).  I find this interesting as our GOTCHA DATE for our son (adoption number 1) was July 26, 2007.  HOW UNCANNY..at least in my realm of thinking.  So now we hurry up and wait again for our I-800 approval which was sent in today. Still a number of hurdles left but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We hope that our friends in Alabama get theirs soon too.  We just know they will as we feel deeply that we were meant to travel together as our daughters are best friends in the orphanage.  For those still waiting...it is NOT FUN.  Patience in adoption reaches many unbelievable levels.  As we have gone through this before (different country and different circumstances as our first was NOT special needs) all of the let downs and what you feel to be set backs will pass and be long forgotten.  A process or approval along the way may come quicker in one phase for one family than another. Then the next hurdle you leap over faster.  It is kind of like picking the right line at the grocery store; you never know which line will go faster.   Hugs to all the LOA waiters.  We will all get there hopefully one day soon. 

Adoption -- It's the 'IN" Thing!

Along the way we have had some weird things said to us about adopting our son from Guatemala.  Overall I try to see the good in people and I give the benefit of the doubt more often than I should but that's me.  Sometimes things just hit you wrong.  From the looks you may receive at the mall or the store to the people who actually approach you and say things it is a different world.  I am a very open person... often too open.  I freely talk to others about infertility and anything that they may want to talk about.  If I can help someone see something in a better light then I am going to try.  David, my shy and reserved husband... not so much.  He is extremely personal and this is fine.  He was approached by one of his employees who said "Where did your baby come from"?  He simply and quietly replied "My house".  He was right.  I had just brought Luke from our house to his office to viist.  Now that is NOT a bad question but it just hit him wrong.  Some of the below things though... I am not so sure.

• "Where did you buy your baby from"?  (Said to me at a formal business dinner in front of about 8 people).  So many things that I can say here but won't.  Enough Said.

• "Why did you adopt a baby and not have your own kids"? (Allow me to explain to you WHY I do not need to be pregnant again).

• "Is your baby adopted"?  (OK not a bad question and one that is asked often but is it just the tone?  Dude... you know he is adopted!)

• "People adopt to look like heros" (I clearly forgot my superman cape that day).

• "Too bad he will grow up in a world that will not be his".  (REALLY?  Will not be his?  He is an American Citizen... he will live in America as long as he is with us and we live here....he will pay taxes, he will go to school, he will learn his native language and he will be a responsible individual.  He will give back to society.  So what WORLD are we talking about?

• "Does he only eat Mexican". (yep...he will only eat burritos...joking! we were at Chic-fil-a though so go figure.  Next time order the Number 1 combo Mexican style I guess.

• "Does he know that he doesn't look like you?  (ok he is 3 1/2....no he hasn't figured it out yet and at this age he doesn't care).

• "Do you think he will feel like you love him".  (well, as soon as we let him out of the dungeon we are making him live in you can ask him). 

• "Don't you feel like you just saved a life"?  (No, we didn't save a life. He saved us). 

• "Aren't you such a hero". (No, we just wanted a family and this was our path in order to do so.  We were the selfish ones because WE wanted children).

•  Ok so many things along the lines of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt that I can't even write them all.  Just because we started our FIRST adoption process before they did doesn't matter but my only reply to people is:  "Angelina and Brad Pitt have nothing on us but fame, money and good looks.  They look at me and have no reply.  Can I help that they wanted to do this because WE DID IT FIRST?  No, I really can't help that.  So Next?

Please don't tell me or insinuate to me that I have done this to be the "IN" thing.  I like fashion, I try to have some fashion sense (you may not like my mullet and I am sorry for that).  It is really sad that the feeling now is that it is a 'fad' to adopt a child.  We are talking about a person's life here.  Someone who was given up for WHATEVER reason.  Someone who when it comes right down to it probably wants to simply be loved.  (Hopefully attachment issues won't occur but the they are not uncommon).  In our case it was a little person who deserved a home. It was the path we were going to take to make our family.  Sure there were other options but this option was the best fit for us.  We chose him.  He did not choose us.  One day I hope to hear him say that he is glad we chose him.  

Something that was said to me that I thought was really cute though was:  "Boy you guys are just collecting kids".  I wish we had it in us to continue the process and adopt as many as we can and still be a functional family and not a dysfunctional one.  What number makes you dysfunctional? Who knows! Dysfunction is a relative term right?  Uhm......

 

 

SPECIAL NEEDS --- REALLY?

We have been spoiled by a WONDERFUL little boy named Luke who we adopted from Guatemala (Gotcha Date July 26, 2007).  To say that this child has touched each one of our family members and friends would be a complete and total understatement.  He amazes us each and every day and I will share many of the LUKE-isms for another time.  With such a wonderful lil' fella how could we A-- want another child and B-- CONSIDER adopting a child who would possibly not be as perfect as our Luke?  Sounds harsh right?  Well, it is kind of misunderstood.  First off we are blessed with a family and extended family that show us each day what unconditional love is.  We caught our family off guard when we let them know about our news of a second adoption.  We came home with Luke in 2007 and like many other JUST ADOPTED families found ourselves pregnant.  I made it to twelve weeks and then lost the baby.  Sad yes, but for reasons that I have and never will question, it was the way it was.  I don't know who your higher power may be and that is fine but ours is God and we believe in him and in his ways of work. It simply was not meant to be.  The heartache was masked somewhat by the wonderful lil' boy that we had just brought home three months earlier which was nice considering the prior heartaches we had been through with having our own child(ren), infertility, the loss of referrals and loosing Luke's twin sister (this will be a later blog).

Fast Forward from 2007 to 2010 and after almost three years of having countless hugs and love from our precious Lil' Luke our family was not sure of our decision to adopt in this SPECIAL NEEDS category.  There were timing issues, our age, our lifestyle and all sorts of things that were RIGHTFULLY great concerns but the one thing that was overlooked was the fact that we wanted another child and wanted Luke to have a sibling not to mention that we feel that we have pretty big hearts.  Yes it takes more than a big heart to deal with some of the special needs but our attitude was this and always will be:  "If we can adopt a child who has a special need and can give him or her a better life than what they would have had then we will do it".   Our seemingly picture perfect life can be burdened by doctor visits, casts, surgeries, therapy or whatever the need would bring to us.  Quite simple outlook we felt and still do.  We educated ourselves and chose our daughter very carefully.  We did  so with ALOT and I mean  ALOT of medical advice.   We know how important family is for children and didn't want to do anything to make our daughter's experience less than the wonderful one that Luke had received so far.  Open hearts is not something that is hard for our family.  Our daughter is not of the "SPECIAL NEED"  that will totally uproot our family.  (We have an utmost respect for those who adopt children or babies who will need 24 hour care for the rest of their lives).   David and I know our limitations in caring for others and know where the boundaries fall.  This may sound selfish on our part and it is not meant that way at all.  It is simply a fact. A big check on the list was what tender-hearted David would be able to handle in regards to the actual "NEED".  As big as his heart is it is incredibly tender especially towards children.  We knew the limits and stayed within them.  We also considered Luke and how it would affect him as well as how it would affect our extended family.  Now we wait and we carry our torch for ridding as many people as we can of the "STIGMA" of Special Needs adoption.  Special Needs may not be for you and we do not judge you if this is the case, however, spreading the word about the many special needs children might be something that would work for you.